What’s up stud muffins?? I’ve gotten an excessive amount of e-mail asking me to post more stories. "Asking" is actually too light of a word… it’s more like DEMANDING. Ya’ll can be tough on me sometimes.

So I’m going to man up and do just that. There have been more than a few stories of debauchery worth posting this semester, and it is my duty to let you guys know exactly what went down, my process of thinking while it went down, and how you can learn something of value from it.

Give me a few weeks to post them, because I have to pick which girls I want to write about. I also have a pretty demanding social schedule for the next 5 nights, starting with me taking a girl I met in class last semester out for drinks (I think I have perfected a method for sleeping with the hottest girl in almost every discussion class I have). I had sent some texts to her a few weeks ago about getting drinks and helping me “study” for the final exam of our class which she had already completed (I got “sick” during finals week for a particularly hard class and now I have 8 more weeks to take the exam… ahhh the benefits of the swine flu scare).

She sent me a message today about a mutual friend that we had, that neither of us was particularly fond of. I didn’t know who the hell she was when she texted me because I lost my phone a few days earlier and had no numbers. Here’s some of the texts

Me: “I lost my phone who is this?”

Her: “It’s (her name) from your english. And I was just thinking of (the dude who neither of us like) and how much they annoy both of us.. so I thought id text ya ha”

Me: “Haha that’s comedy cuz I thought you were (the dude who neither of us like) and I was planning to respond something real mean"

Her: “Well that’s too funny. Well im thankfully slightly better looking and less of a loser than (the dude who neither of us like) so no worries.”

(She is qualifying herself nice… time to start working on logistics of our meet up)

Me: “Haha correct on both counts.. So u ready for a drinkin slash study sesh soon? More drinkin than study obvs.”

Her: “Yea im definitely down as long as I get a vodka sour out of it when do you have to take the final?”

Me: “In a couple of weeks. U should make it downtown tomorrow my friend is bartendin at the (name of bar). He can get u in with no id and get u as many free vodka sours as ur heart desires”

(This is all true. Knowing bartenders is a huge advantage. I get as many free drinks as I want from my buddy and my tab is always $6. So I have no problem hooking her up as well.)

Her: “sooo tempting! I have a fake but idk if I can pass on the free drinks.. Only problem is that I work every day this week at 8am. What to do…”

(Whenever a girl is unsure about what to do because of logistics, fix the logistical problem, and then tell her exactly what she is going to do)

Me: “Alright heres a plan then.. I wasnt planning on going out hard that night anyways so we’ll start early evening and end far before bartime so ur well rested. Sound good?”

Her: “Alright that’s doable good deal. Should I bring a lady friend?”

(Now here is where it gets a little tricky… because I know she has a boyfriend, yet I know she is still into me. It kind of seems like she’s whoring out one of her friends to me as a test. Anyways, I know what I want to do – if I end up going out with a bunch of my friends, she should by all means bring the friend. But if it’s just me that night then no way… so I respond as follows)

Me: “Let me see how many ppl are goin out of my friends and see how many underagers eddy can get in first. Ill hit ya up tomorrow and we’ll figure it all out.”

So basically I just gave myself two outs for telling her not to bring a friend: my bartender friend not being able to get her friend in, and not any of my friends going out. We’ll see whether I want her to bring the friend or not. She has some facebook pics with some HOT girls so it could end up being a good call if I decide to be all moral and not sleep with a girl who has a boyfriend. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Then the next night I am going to “Medieval Times” for a lady friend of mine’s 21^st birthday. And after that my friends’ from out of state are visiting for the weekend, and these kids are wild as can be. Then school starts the week after that. So basically, I’m busy as hell, so promise me you guys won’t spam my inbox with hate mail if I can’t finish the stories right away. I’ll try and pick the most entertaining ones which you guys can learn the most from.

-Francis Adams