Question from Reader:

Thanks for the reply bro. It definitely helped me see things from a different perspective. I dont mean to leach off you or anything like that but I was hoping you could shed some light for me.

Do college girls REALLY want to hook up? When most girls go out, do they "plan" to hookup (I want to get laid) or just "if it happens it happens"?. I know if asked girls won't say "yes, I plan to fuck some dude at a party". In general are college girls pretty selective with who they hook up with? If so, under what context?

Examples: He has to be confident. He has to have connections vs. he just has to be cute. It has to be with someone I know (like simmering gem) in other words absolutely no one night stands vs. i prefer randoms. He has to be a good looking guy, has to have my friends' approval, i'm in college and love to have random hookups, etc.

Do you HAVE to have some jock fitness to pull on regular during weekends? I am a little on the skinny/toned side and 5'5 if that matters..

I would really appreciate any feedback you have. I've read CYC and love what it teaches. However, some of these things that have been in the back of my mind and might be holding me back. I want to get some things straightened out before I go back. I kind of laid it out there with what's been on my mind, you don't have to answer each individual thing and I was hoping any feedback you could share with me; you're seriously changing my life for the better.

-Jake

Hey Jake, good to hear from ya again. You are always welcome to shoot me a question... don't worry about "leeching off of me", I am pretty passionate about teaching this stuff, and it is always inspiring to hear when I'm helping people change their lives for the better. 

You asked first about whether college girls REALLY want to hook up... my answer is a resounding YES, but they want to hook up with the right guy. It is a really, really disempowering limiting belief to think "College girls don't want to hook up" and you are probably going to have to hook up with more than a few before the belief that college girls "REALLY want to hook up" gets ingrained in your mind.

I was asking myself the same questions at the beginning of college, because my game was just awkward at that point… the girls weren't responding to me, and it just seemed like they "didn't want to hook up". Past experiences make up your current belief system, and right now your beliefs are probably leaning towards "College girls do not want to hook up" because of your lack of success with college girls in the past.

You may have heard the phrase "perception is reality" before, and it is so true. It means reality and how we see the world is subjective, and how you perceive the world is true for you. When you believe "college girls do not want to hook up" then you are right, THEY DON'T. Not with a guy who thinks like that. ALL of the top 1% of guys getting laid in college have the belief that "College Girls DO want to hook up" and you better believe that it IS truer than truth in their reality.

Let me share a quick story with you that started 2 years ago, and ended last night. About 2 years ago, I was pretty good with girls, but not at the level I am today. I was in the phase that you are probably in right now, where hooking up, escalating with girls, etc. was all starting to make a little more sense at a conceptual level, but my positive, strong beliefs weren't set in stone yet.

So, after a night on the town, I had been chatting up a girl in my social circle that I had a HUGE crush on named Jacquelyn. She was tall, brown hair, great body, amazing "good girl" eyes, conservatively dressed, soft spoken, and one of the top students in her class. I gamed this girl by the book... Literally did EVERYTHING right. I built enough value, got an extremely flirtatious vibe, isolated her at the bar we were at, told her I had a bottle of wine back at the house, and ended up taking her back to my apartment under the pretenses of having a few more drinks of wine. 

When we get back to the apartment, limiting beliefs start POURING in my head. Thoughts like "She is too much of a nice girl for this".... "This girl is different, she doesn't like hooking up"... "This girl is not the one-night-stand sort of girl, she probably only sleeps with guys who she is dating." And you want to know what happened? I FUCKED it up. I poured her a glass of wine, and sat next to her on the couch for 30 minutes talking to her about her life and fair trade coffee. After about a half hour (I'm surprised she lasted that long), the inevitable "uhhhh, well it's getting late, I think I should get going" came out of her mouth, we exchanged numbers, and she left.

The next day, my friend Rachel, who is also friends with Jacquelyn and had been hanging out with us the evening before, called me and said, "Francis... what the hell? I heard you didn't hook up with Jacquelyn?" A little bit embarrassed I responded, "Rachel, I didn't think Jacquelyn was that type of girl..."(as if being a sexually open-minded girl was a bad thing). I didn't want to believe it, but it kind of hit me... I failed to pull the trigger. I let my limiting beliefs get the best of me, and left an awesome opportunity for both Jacquelyn and I to have an amazing night on the table.

Over the past few years I have remained good friends with Rachel and "good girl" Jacquelyn's social circle. We've hung out many times, and as my game has gotten better, I've made out with Jacquelyn about 3-4 times at the bars, but the awkward first experience has made her hesitant to actually go home with me - and I don't blame her... I wouldn't want to go home with me if all I was going to get was a glass of wine and awkward conversation.

So last night, I was "pre-gaming" at Jacquelyn's apartment with her and her 4 roommates. I wasn't really trying to game any of them, but I just love rolling to the bar with like 5 hot girls (it does wonders for social proof). And as usually happens after a few drinks, I started turning the conversation sexual with them. I ask one of them, "So, what's the craziest place you've ever had sex"... the girl responded "hmmm, I'd have to say the under the bleachers of our football stadium". Another girl gave her answer, and then I turn to Jacquelyn, "So what about you... craziest place you've ever done it." She responds, "Oh god... I don't know. It's hard to choose. Probably in the bathroom at a party with this random guy, but that's happened a few times." Naturally I prodded her a bit more, and she told me about three or four CRAZY hook-ups she's had in the past. I was pretty amazed; this girl was not even close to the "good girl" I originally pegged her as.

So the morale of the story is YES, most college girls do want to hook up. They just want to make sure it’s with a guy who understands that they are just as horny as college guys. Sometimes the girls you would swear were "good girls" turn out to be the most sexually adventurous. Go out, put what you are learning into action, and build some experiences, and soon you'll KNOW that college girls want to hook up. The belief will be just as hard-wired in your brain as it is in mine. And once you have that belief your whole reality changes, and things with girls get a bit, shall we say, easier.

The second part of your question is a bit jumbled; I think it's dealing with what college girls find attractive, and whether they plan on 'hooking up' before they go out.

OK... so all women are attracted to value. And value is relative. This means that what one girl finds attractive, another girl might not. Different girls value different attributes. You mentioned fitness, confidence, the ability to make good connections, and looks. These are all forms of value, and certain girls will be more attracted to different forms of value.

Example: My good friend Diana ONLY hooks up with athletes. If you are not a Division I football or basketball player, you probably have no shot at this girl. My other friend Shirley loves hippy guys… if you are a chill guy who smokes a lot of weed; you’ve scored a ton of value points with her. These girls are on the outer edges of the spectrum though, most girls are not as stubborn about things like how toned you are, if you are on the football team or not, how many drugs you do, etc.

Because value is all about perception and is relative, all girls will have these little things that they find more attractive, that other girls might not. This is called SPECIFIC value.

Luckily, there are some things that are UNIVERSALLY valuable to all girls. For example, confidence, charisma, leadership, ambition, protecting one’s own, being dominant, masculine and independent are ALL forms of universal value. The 4 traits of the 20% man that Mark Redman talked about in the Conquer your Campus e-book all fit in this category as well. Having your “universally valuable” traits down is by far the most important thing to concentrate on in regards to value. Your cool “specific value” traits that she may be attracted to are just sprinkles on the delicious cupcake that is you (ok, so that metaphor was a little weird).

You mentioned looks, and being “toned” a few times, which leads me to believe that you might slightly overvalue the role that looks plays in getting girls. Being in good shape helps (I’m getting my license to be a personal trainer, I should know), but compared to the universal value traits mentioned above… looks are not that important. One of my best friends is VERY overweight, but he has such a dominant, funny, playful personality that he gets more girls than 95% of the guys on my campus, and really hot ones too. I have another friend who is about your height who is not particularly good looking. We call him “the make-out king” because he has made out with more girls than any dude I know. So, NO, you don’t have jock fitness to pull regularly on the weekends.

OK, last part of your question… do girls “plan” to hookup before they go out.

I know several, very sexually open girls who say things like “God, I need to get laid tonight” when we are pre-gaming. I think there is a contingent of girls at every bar/party that you go to that are out looking to get laid by the guy at all costs by the guy who she is talking to who has the most value and says the least amount of stupid shit. These girls are awesome. Sometimes you find one, know her agenda, and things are just too easy from that point on.

But most girls are not openly looking to get laid when they go out. They want the right guy, who provides them with the most positive emotions, to just sweep them up in the moment. Then she wants to wake up the next morning, and when her friends ask about it, she wants to say, “It just happened.”

With most of society shunning girls who they deem “slutty”, girls have to be very careful to not appear as “sluts”. That’s part of the reason why as a man, you have to lead the interaction, because if SHE were the one escalating she would look “slutty”. That’s why she gives you token resistance, and puts you through shit tests, and sometimes puts up every possible barrier before sleeping with you, she wants to alleviate herself from ANY responsibility for the sexual encounter. As a guy it has to be “your fault” (in the best possible way) that things moved along so fast (quick reminder… “NO” means “NO”, and is not “token resistance I talked about). Because if it was her fault, what would her friends think? And that’s why, like you said, most girls would not answer “yes” to the question “are you planning on hooking up tonight”… but deep down, they are just waiting for you to sweep them off their feet.

Cheers,

Francis