Have you ever experienced a girl who is giving you all the right signals and indicators of interest one night? You go home and think “damnnnnn, this girl sweats me, I can’t wait to hang out with her again!” Then the next time you meet… BAM… she is colder than an iceberg breaking off the Antarctic Circle. Frustrated, you think to yourself… “what the hell went wrong?”

Well, the good news is most of the time it has NOTHING to do with you. It could be the situation you guys are in (i.e. what bar or party you are at), the stuff going on around her, her emotional state, or a myriad of other factors. Let’s face it, she’s a girl, and they think differently than us guys… on a much more emotional level.

You see, a male’s attraction to a woman is very stable. If she is hot… you want to hook up with her. If she says the wrong thing, and makes an ass out of herself… you still want to hook up with her, because heck, she’s a hotty. Our attraction to her stays fairly constant.

With females it’s quite different. Their attraction to specific males is not nearly as stable as our attraction to females is. In fact, it fluctuates quite often. As mentioned above, this can be for reasons that have NOTHING to do with you, such as her mood, her friend’s mood, even what time of the month it is. There’s tons of scientific basis for this, which I won’t get into in this post, for lack of time. All you need to know is that if you see a girl out 5 times in the next 2 months, she is more than likely going to have a very different level of attraction for you each time.

I’m going to get even more specific. Imagine a girl’s attraction for you on a scale of 1-10. 1 being she is disgusted by you. 5 being she is slightly attracted to you, or at least has the potential to be attracted to you, but she is not ready to be physically escalated on. When she’s at a 10 she is so uncontrollably attracted to you that she is almost ready to rip your clothes off. And we’ll define the point at which you can easily physically and emotionally escalate with a girl as a 7.5 or so. These are just numbers to illustrate a point, so don’t take them too seriously when your out talking to girls. Once you get good enough your instincts will take over, and these numbers will be meaningless.

When you’re going out consistently, interacting with tons of girls (and making a good impression on them), and have built a solid group of guy and girl friends, you will reach a point where you have a lot of girls that are, what I like to call “simmering”, or fluctuating around the levels of 5-8 in the aforementioned scale.

If your social circle game is tight, you will have handfuls of girls that are simmering. This means you can have anywhere from several to hundreds of girls (depending on how wide your social circle is) that, under the right circumstances you could sleep with/hook up with/develop a relationship with/etc. You can even start following this advice when you only have 1 girl who is simmering… you are going to treat her like she is one of many.

I want to tell you a quick story that happened to me a few weeks ago before I continue. There is a girl that I had seen out at my favorite bar, Rocky’s, dozens of times before. She has seen me rocking out there, having an absolute blast with my friends, and basically being the center of attention on multiple occasions. So naturally, she views me as a high value guy.

This girl, who I will call “Theresa”, and myself had flirted on multiple occasions. But it seemed that every night, something would keep me from escalating properly. One night, her friend had a personal emergency, another night she simply wasn’t that interested in me, and another night she even came to the bar with a basketball player on her arm.

In each of these occasions, I treated her the same. I was fun, flirtatious, and high value, but I NEVER escalated too far. I knew she was “simmering”, and that my time would come (and if it didn’t, who cares, I had 10 other girls in the bar who were also simmering). When she wasn’t too interested in me one night, I would simply turn to my other friends and have as much fun as possible, not as a tactic to make her jealous… but simply because I like having hella fun whenever I go out.

One night, about a month after she had been completely cold to me, SHE approached ME (I know, it’s supposed to be the other way around, right?). Mildly surprised, I turned to her and said, “Hey, what’s up?” Theresa stuttered, “Hey… I just wanted to say hi. How are you doing?” She was visibly nervous, and pretty awkward at first. But I cut her some slack… after all, I know how nerve-racking it can be approaching a hot member of the opposite sex.

Long story short, her attraction towards me that night was about a 9 out of 10 on my scale. So naturally, I did what was best for both of us, and took her home with me. We’ve enjoyed several nights in each other’s company since then, and all of them have been awesome.

What’s the moral of the story? Well, especially in college, there are going to be a lot of girls that are “simmering” towards you. Hopefully you can be fortunate and dedicated enough to make the number of girls who are “simmering” towards you grow steadily higher, because it really creates a snowball effect. And with these girls, sometimes the best course of action is pretty counterintuitive.

Most “pick up gurus” recommend that when a girl shows any interest in you, you need to escalate, plow, and be as persistent as possible. This advice isn’t that bad when meeting random girls in bars whom you will probably never see again. But in college, that behavior is a sure-fire technique to get labeled as a “creeper”.

Instead of escalating with every girl that is flirtatious right away, keep a stockpile of girls that are “simmering”. When you have tons of girls in this category, you will literally be able to pick and choose which one you want to take home some nights. And their social proof doesn’t hurt if you are into cold-approaching girls you don’t know at the bar .

Take advantage of the fact that a female’s attraction towards you will fluctuate. Be sure to escalate when she is higher than a “7” on my fancy little scale. Because if you escalate when she is a “5” and fail, you may very well be robbing yourself of a later opportunity to take things further with that girl, and nobody wants that.

Also be mindful of the fact that if a girl is high enough on my scale, it is to both of your benefits to escalate when the buying temperature is soaring. If you hesitate, if you don’t act like a man, or if don’t lead the interaction into blissful and sexy places then you may be missing an opportunity that will make both of your nights that much more awesome.

As always, don’t hesitate to shoot me any questions at Francis@CampusCasanova.com

Cheers,

Francis