It’s been a little too long since I’ve posted so I thought I’d share a little adventure that I had with you guys. I’ve had more than a few rockin’ adventures in the past month or so, but this one definitely stood out.

 

There is no day on our calendar that brings out the sexual side of a female quite like Halloween. Valentines Day may be a close second (Single girls on Valentines Day… oh my god, it’s just too easy). But the combination of extremely revealing costumes, too much booze, and girls acting in “character” with their slutty costumes makes for a day in which hormones are released in such massive amounts, you’d think everyone was hitting puberty again.

 

To quote my attractive female neighbor, “Everyone in our room’s goal was to get some ass on Halloween.” That’s coming from a girl.

 

On a night where scantily dressed strumpets are roaming the streets looking to get some ass, something special was bound to happen.

 

The roommates and I decided to dress as Braveheart-esque Scotsman warriors with kilts and swords. Fuckin’ awesome costume idea if I may say so myself. My roommate taped an ipod and some speakers to the back of his sword and BLASTED Scottish bagpipe music all night. Accompany this with our belligerent Scottish yelling, and our presence was definitely known right away whenever we entered a new venue.

 

If I had to write a strategy guide for getting laid on Halloween it would be simple: Have a good costume, NEVER break character, and be extremely confident in your interactions with women. The great thing about Halloween is you can create a character for yourself. Even if you are not extremely confident in “real-life” you can create the character of a “confident pirate who wants to get some booty” or something along those lines.

 

So with weapons in hand, we set out to conquer the city. The night began with a pre-party at our place. The party quickly got a bit out of hand and I had to kick everyone out. Luckily it was fuckin’ Halloween so pretty much the whole campus was having a party.

 

We hit up a friend’s party. I hit on a few girls with my Scottish accent, play some beer pong, and rock out until I get bored. When shit died down, me and David decide to call up a cab and head to a new party.

 

One of our friend’s is having a huge party in the basement of his house, and he hyped it up a lot to us, so we’re banking on this being a baller party. We waited in line to get in (there was a bouncer collecting keg money from people at the door), and a bunch of hot girls cut in front of me and were let in for free. For a second I wanted to bitch at the bouncer, but then I thought to myself… “Wait… this is exactly the kind of party I want to be at right now. Dude’s paying money and hot girls getting in for free.”

 

When I got in, as I had hoped, the girl to guy ratio was a mathematical miracle.  Loosely clothed females were running rampant and beer was plentiful. Me and David organized a game of flip-cup, played a few rounds, talked to a few girls we knew, and a few that we didn’t know.

 

After about an hour, my friend’s basement was out of control hot. So I went to the backyard to catch a breath of fresh air. What do you know… I see a girl in a plaid skirt that looked similar to my kilt. The following interaction, to the best of my recollection, is completely ridiculous… but it got me laid.

Francis: ”Ayyy… a strumpet in her wee kilt, it’s me lucky day. What part of Scotland are ye from?”

PlaidSkirt: “Excuse me?”

Francis: “I said, what part of Scotland are ye from me lady?”

PlaidSkirt: “I’m not from Scotland, I’m supposed to be Britney Spears!”

 

She’s dressed as a whore… perfect

 

Francis: “Britney Spears??? I don’t believe it, ye got a kilt on, I may fall in love with ye.”

 

PlaidSkirt: “Hahah well that’s cute, but I’m really not Scottish. What’s your name?”

 

Francis: “I’m Franethen, Scottish Warrior fighting for freedom. And ye?”

 

PlaidSkirt: “I’m Cindy, nice to meet you.”

Francis: “My gosh I'm fallin for ye already, I’m so happy I found myself a nice Scottish girl. Mum and Dad would be so proud.”

 

PlaidSkirt: “Your Mom and Dad would definitely like me!”

She buys into my frame, so I escalate. Why wait?

Francis: “Good, let’s make out.”

 

Heavy make-out session, more flirtation between kisses

 

PlaidSkirt: (now talking in a Scottish accent) “Franethen, it was a pleasure meeting you and having fun with you, but I have to find my friends who have my keys to my dorm. Can I have one last kiss goodbye?”

 

Francis: “Absolutely not. If I give you a goodbye kiss I’ll definitely fall in love with ye.”

If I kiss her at this point, she bolts. So I build sexual tension by refusing her the kiss while maintaining my ridiculous lovestruck Scotsman vibe.

PlaidSkirt: “No you won’t! Just one more kiss goodbye!”

 

Francis: “I can’t do it me lady”

 

PlaidSkirt: “Plllleeeasee”

 

Francis: “I’ll do this, but I can’t kiss ye, I don’t want to fall in love with ye.”

 

I reach under her skirt and start fingering her. There are like 30 people outside in the backyard in close vicinity to us.

 

PlaidSkirt: “Ohhhhh Franethen, I like it… it feels soo good.”

 

She was one of those girls that just went nuts with you hit the g-spot. She was going wild. Eventually one of her guy friends came up to her.

 

Random Dude: “Cindy, can I talk to you for a second.”

PlaidSkirt: “What is it??”

 

I briefly stop fingering her

 

Random Dude: “I just want to make sure that your OK and are not going to do anything you’d regret tonight”

 

I can tell by this dude’s needy body language that he was a jealous orbiter of her, NOT a concerned friend.

 

Francis: “She’ll be fine with me lad. A Scotsman knows how to treat his ladies.”

 

Random Dude: “Uhhh… ok, bye.”

 

I proceed to finger her

 

Francis: “Come home with me, we are havin an after-party.”

PlaidSkirt: “Ohhh Franethen, I wish I could, but I have to find my friends they have my keys.”

I try to convince her for like 3-4 minutes, but she is set on going home with her friends.

 

PlaidSkirt: “I have an idea.”

 

This was HER idea, how awesome is that?

 

Francis: “What’s that my lady?”

 

PlaidSkirt: “Follow me”

 

She leads me behind some bushes, where there is a chair and a table. This place is still extremely visible to the 30 or so people outside. We get on the chair and I continue to finger her.

 

Francis: “Get on yer knees me lady and return the favor.”

 

She gets on her knees and starts sucking my cock as I’m sitting on the chair.

 

Francis: “That’s good me lady, now come with me… we’re a wee bit public right now.”

 

I took the chair with me to behind a shed, in a slightly more discrete place, grabbed a condom from my sock (I didn’t have pockets on my kilt), and she proceeded to fuck the shit out of me.

 

Throughout the whole sex act, she would ask me things like “What’s your real name… I just want to hear you speak in your real voice without a fake accent once.” The stubborn little bastard that I am, I refused to break character.

 

We didn’t even exchange numbers afterwards, we just happily parted ways after our spontaneous sex act.

 

Hope you all had an awesome Halloween as well. I’m thinking we’re going to throw a party Thanksgiving weekend. Theme ideas are “Pilgrim Pimp’s and Indians Ho’s”, “Pilgrim’s and Pocahontas’s”. Any other ideas?

 

Cheers,

 

Francis