Question from Reader:
Thanks for the reply bro. It definitely helped me see things from a different perspective. I dont mean to leach off you or anything like that but I was hoping you could shed some light for me.
Do college girls REALLY want to hook up? When most girls go out, do they "plan" to hookup (I want to get laid) or just "if it happens it happens"?. I know if asked girls won't say "yes, I plan to fuck some dude at a party". In general are college girls pretty selective with who they hook up with? If so, under what context?
Examples: He has to be confident. He has to have connections vs. he just has to be cute. It has to be with someone I know (like simmering gem) in other words absolutely no one night stands vs. i prefer randoms. He has to be a good looking guy, has to have my friends' approval, i'm in college and love to have random hookups, etc.
Do you HAVE to have
some jock fitness to pull on regular during weekends? I am a little on the
skinny/toned side and 5'5 if that matters..
I would really appreciate any feedback you have. I've read CYC and love what it teaches. However, some of these things that have been in the back of my mind and might be holding me back. I want to get some things straightened out before I go back. I kind of laid it out there with what's been on my mind, you don't have to answer each individual thing and I was hoping any feedback you could share with me; you're seriously changing my life for the better.
-Jake
Hey Jake, good to hear from ya again. You are always welcome to shoot me a question... don't worry about "leeching off of me", I am pretty passionate about teaching this stuff, and it is always inspiring to hear when I'm helping people change their lives for the better.
You asked first about whether college girls REALLY want to hook up... my answer is a resounding YES, but they want to hook up with the right guy. It is a really, really disempowering limiting belief to think "College girls don't want to hook up" and you are probably going to have to hook up with more than a few before the belief that college girls "REALLY want to hook up" gets ingrained in your mind.
I was asking myself the
same questions at the beginning of college, because my game was just awkward at
that point… the girls weren't responding to me, and it just seemed like they
"didn't want to hook up". Past experiences make up your current
belief system, and right now your beliefs are probably leaning towards
"College girls do not want to hook up" because of your lack of
success with college girls in the past.
You may have heard the
phrase "perception is reality" before, and it is so true. It means
reality and how we see the world is subjective, and how you perceive the world
is true for you. When you believe "college girls do not want to hook
up" then you are right, THEY DON'T. Not with a guy who thinks like that.
ALL of the top 1% of guys getting laid in college have the belief that
"College Girls DO want to hook up" and you better believe that it IS
truer than truth in their reality.
Let me share a quick
story with you that started 2 years ago, and ended last night. About 2 years
ago, I was pretty good with girls, but not at the level I am today. I was in
the phase that you are probably in right now, where hooking up, escalating with
girls, etc. was all starting to make a little more sense at a conceptual level,
but my positive, strong beliefs weren't set in stone yet.
So, after a night on the
town, I had been chatting up a girl in my social circle that I had a HUGE crush
on named Jacquelyn. She was tall, brown hair, great body, amazing "good
girl" eyes, conservatively dressed, soft spoken, and one of the top
students in her class. I gamed this girl by the book... Literally did
EVERYTHING right. I built enough value, got an extremely flirtatious vibe,
isolated her at the bar we were at, told her I had a bottle of wine back at the
house, and ended up taking her back to my apartment under the pretenses of
having a few more drinks of wine.
When we get back to the
apartment, limiting beliefs start POURING in my head. Thoughts like "She
is too much of a nice girl for this".... "This girl is different, she
doesn't like hooking up"... "This girl is not the one-night-stand
sort of girl, she probably only sleeps with guys who she is dating." And
you want to know what happened? I FUCKED it up. I poured her a glass of wine,
and sat next to her on the couch for 30 minutes talking to her about her life
and fair trade coffee. After about a half hour (I'm surprised she lasted that
long), the inevitable "uhhhh, well it's getting late, I think I should get
going" came out of her mouth, we exchanged numbers, and she left.
The next day, my friend
Rachel, who is also friends with Jacquelyn and had been hanging out with us the
evening before, called me and said, "Francis... what the hell? I heard you
didn't hook up with Jacquelyn?" A little bit embarrassed I responded,
"Rachel, I didn't think Jacquelyn was that type of girl..."(as if
being a sexually open-minded girl was a bad thing). I didn't want to believe
it, but it kind of hit me... I failed to pull the trigger. I let my limiting
beliefs get the best of me, and left an awesome opportunity for both Jacquelyn
and I to have an amazing night on the table.
Over the past few years
I have remained good friends with Rachel and "good girl" Jacquelyn's
social circle. We've hung out many times, and as my game has gotten better,
I've made out with Jacquelyn about 3-4 times at the bars, but the awkward first
experience has made her hesitant to actually go home with me - and I don't
blame her... I wouldn't want to go home with me if all I was going to get was a
glass of wine and awkward conversation.
So last night, I was
"pre-gaming" at Jacquelyn's apartment with her and her 4 roommates. I
wasn't really trying to game any of them, but I just love rolling to the bar
with like 5 hot girls (it does wonders for social proof
). And as usually
happens after a few drinks, I started turning the conversation sexual with
them. I ask one of them, "So, what's the craziest place you've ever had
sex"... the girl responded "hmmm, I'd have to say the under the
bleachers of our football stadium". Another girl gave her answer, and then
I turn to Jacquelyn, "So what about you... craziest place you've ever done
it." She responds, "Oh god... I don't know. It's hard to choose.
Probably in the bathroom at a party with this random guy, but that's happened a
few times." Naturally I prodded her a bit more, and she told me about
three or four CRAZY hook-ups she's had in the past. I was pretty amazed; this
girl was not even close to the "good girl" I originally pegged her
as.
So the morale of the
story is YES, most college girls do want to hook up. They just want to make
sure it’s with a guy who understands that they are just as horny as college
guys. Sometimes the girls you would swear were "good girls" turn out
to be the most sexually adventurous. Go out, put what you are learning
into action, and build some experiences, and soon you'll KNOW that college
girls want to hook up. The belief will be just as hard-wired in your brain as
it is in mine. And once you have that belief your whole reality changes, and
things with girls get a bit, shall we say, easier.
The second part of your
question is a bit jumbled; I think it's dealing with what college girls find
attractive, and whether they plan on 'hooking up' before they go out.
OK... so all women are
attracted to value. And value is relative. This means that what one girl finds
attractive, another girl might not. Different girls value different attributes.
You mentioned fitness, confidence, the ability to make good connections, and
looks. These are all forms of value, and certain girls will be more attracted
to different forms of value.
Example: My good friend
Diana ONLY hooks up with athletes. If you are not a Division I football or
basketball player, you probably have no shot at this girl. My other friend
Shirley loves hippy guys… if you are a chill guy who smokes a lot of weed; you’ve
scored a ton of value points with her. These girls are on the outer edges of
the spectrum though, most girls are not as stubborn about things like how toned
you are, if you are on the football team or not, how many drugs you do, etc.
Because value is all
about perception and is relative, all girls will have these little things
that they find more attractive, that other girls might not. This is called
SPECIFIC value.
Luckily, there are some
things that are UNIVERSALLY valuable to all girls. For example, confidence, charisma,
leadership, ambition, protecting one’s own, being dominant, masculine and
independent are ALL forms of universal value. The 4 traits of the 20% man that
Mark Redman talked about in the Conquer your Campus e-book all fit in this
category as well. Having your “universally valuable” traits down is by far the
most important thing to concentrate on in regards to value. Your cool “specific
value” traits that she may be attracted to are just sprinkles on the delicious
cupcake that is you (ok, so that metaphor was a little weird).
You mentioned looks, and
being “toned” a few times, which leads me to believe that you might slightly
overvalue the role that looks plays in getting girls. Being in good shape helps
(I’m getting my license to be a personal trainer, I should know), but compared
to the universal value traits mentioned above… looks are not that important. One of my best friends
is VERY overweight, but he has such a dominant, funny, playful personality that
he gets more girls than 95% of the guys on my campus, and really hot ones too.
I have another friend who is about your height who is not particularly good
looking. We call him “the make-out king” because he has made out with more
girls than any dude I know. So, NO, you don’t have jock fitness to pull regularly
on the weekends.
OK, last part of your
question… do girls “plan” to hookup before they go out.
I know several, very
sexually open girls who say things like “God, I need to get laid tonight” when
we are pre-gaming. I think there is a contingent of girls at every bar/party
that you go to that are out looking to get laid by the guy at all costs by the guy who she is talking to who has the most value and says the least amount of stupid shit.
These girls are awesome. Sometimes you find one, know her agenda, and things
are just too easy from that point on.
But most girls are not openly looking to get laid when they go
out. They want the right guy, who provides them with the most positive
emotions, to just sweep them up in the moment. Then she wants to wake up the
next morning, and when her friends ask about it, she wants to say, “It just happened.”
With most of society
shunning girls who they deem “slutty”, girls have to be very careful to not
appear as “sluts”. That’s part of the reason why as a man, you have to lead the
interaction, because if SHE were the one escalating she would look “slutty”.
That’s why she gives you token resistance, and puts you through shit tests, and
sometimes puts up every possible barrier before sleeping with you, she wants to
alleviate herself from ANY responsibility for the sexual encounter. As a guy it
has to be “your fault” (in the best possible way) that things moved along so
fast (quick reminder… “NO” means “NO”, and is not “token resistance I talked
about). Because if it was her fault, what would her friends think? And that’s
why, like you said, most girls would not answer “yes” to the question “are you
planning on hooking up tonight”… but deep down, they are just waiting for you
to sweep them off their feet.
Cheers,
Francis
Have you ever experienced a girl who is giving you all the right signals and indicators of interest one night? You go home and think “damnnnnn, this girl sweats me, I can’t wait to hang out with her again!” Then the next time you meet… BAM… she is colder than an iceberg breaking off the Antarctic Circle. Frustrated, you think to yourself… “what the hell went wrong?”
Well, the good news is most of the time it has NOTHING to do with you. It could be the situation you guys are in (i.e. what bar or party you are at), the stuff going on around her, her emotional state, or a myriad of other factors. Let’s face it, she’s a girl, and they think differently than us guys… on a much more emotional level.
You see, a male’s attraction to a woman is very stable. If she is hot… you want to hook up with her. If she says the wrong thing, and makes an ass out of herself… you still want to hook up with her, because heck, she’s a hotty. Our attraction to her stays fairly constant.
With females it’s quite different. Their attraction to specific males is not nearly as stable as our attraction to females is. In fact, it fluctuates quite often. As mentioned above, this can be for reasons that have NOTHING to do with you, such as her mood, her friend’s mood, even what time of the month it is. There’s tons of scientific basis for this, which I won’t get into in this post, for lack of time. All you need to know is that if you see a girl out 5 times in the next 2 months, she is more than likely going to have a very different level of attraction for you each time.
I’m going to get even more specific. Imagine a girl’s attraction for you on a scale of 1-10. 1 being she is disgusted by you. 5 being she is slightly attracted to you, or at least has the potential to be attracted to you, but she is not ready to be physically escalated on. When she’s at a 10 she is so uncontrollably attracted to you that she is almost ready to rip your clothes off. And we’ll define the point at which you can easily physically and emotionally escalate with a girl as a 7.5 or so. These are just numbers to illustrate a point, so don’t take them too seriously when your out talking to girls. Once you get good enough your instincts will take over, and these numbers will be meaningless.
When you’re going out consistently, interacting with tons of girls (and making a good impression on them), and have built a solid group of guy and girl friends, you will reach a point where you have a lot of girls that are, what I like to call “simmering”, or fluctuating around the levels of 5-8 in the aforementioned scale.
If your social circle game is tight, you will have handfuls of girls that are simmering. This means you can have anywhere from several to hundreds of girls (depending on how wide your social circle is) that, under the right circumstances you could sleep with/hook up with/develop a relationship with/etc. You can even start following this advice when you only have 1 girl who is simmering… you are going to treat her like she is one of many.
I want to tell you a quick story that happened to me a few weeks ago before I continue. There is a girl that I had seen out at my favorite bar, Rocky’s, dozens of times before. She has seen me rocking out there, having an absolute blast with my friends, and basically being the center of attention on multiple occasions. So naturally, she views me as a high value guy.
This girl, who I will call “Theresa”, and myself had flirted on multiple occasions. But it seemed that every night, something would keep me from escalating properly. One night, her friend had a personal emergency, another night she simply wasn’t that interested in me, and another night she even came to the bar with a basketball player on her arm.
In each of these occasions, I treated her the same. I was fun, flirtatious, and high value, but I NEVER escalated too far. I knew she was “simmering”, and that my time would come (and if it didn’t, who cares, I had 10 other girls in the bar who were also simmering). When she wasn’t too interested in me one night, I would simply turn to my other friends and have as much fun as possible, not as a tactic to make her jealous… but simply because I like having hella fun whenever I go out.
One night, about a month after she had been completely cold to me, SHE approached ME (I know, it’s supposed to be the other way around, right?). Mildly surprised, I turned to her and said, “Hey, what’s up?” Theresa stuttered, “Hey… I just wanted to say hi. How are you doing?” She was visibly nervous, and pretty awkward at first. But I cut her some slack… after all, I know how nerve-racking it can be approaching a hot member of the opposite sex.
Long story short, her attraction towards me that night was about a 9 out of 10 on my scale. So naturally, I did what was best for both of us, and took her home with me. We’ve enjoyed several nights in each other’s company since then, and all of them have been awesome.
What’s the moral of the story? Well, especially in college, there are going to be a lot of girls that are “simmering” towards you. Hopefully you can be fortunate and dedicated enough to make the number of girls who are “simmering” towards you grow steadily higher, because it really creates a snowball effect. And with these girls, sometimes the best course of action is pretty counterintuitive.
Most “pick up gurus” recommend that when a girl shows any interest in you, you need to escalate, plow, and be as persistent as possible. This advice isn’t that bad when meeting random girls in bars whom you will probably never see again. But in college, that behavior is a sure-fire technique to get labeled as a “creeper”.
Instead of escalating with every girl that is flirtatious
right away, keep a stockpile of girls that are “simmering”. When you have tons
of girls in this category, you will literally be able to pick and choose which
one you want to take home some nights. And their social proof doesn’t hurt if
you are into cold-approaching girls you don’t know at the bar
.
Take advantage of the fact that a female’s attraction towards you will fluctuate. Be sure to escalate when she is higher than a “7” on my fancy little scale. Because if you escalate when she is a “5” and fail, you may very well be robbing yourself of a later opportunity to take things further with that girl, and nobody wants that.
Also be mindful of the fact that if a girl is high enough on my scale, it is to both of your benefits to escalate when the buying temperature is soaring. If you hesitate, if you don’t act like a man, or if don’t lead the interaction into blissful and sexy places then you may be missing an opportunity that will make both of your nights that much more awesome.
As always, don’t hesitate to shoot me any questions at Francis@CampusCasanova.com
Cheers,
Francis
About two months ago we rounded up a rowdy group of kids from our school and went down to Panama City Beach, FL for Spring Break. A great thing I would recommend doing if you plan on taking a classic “College” Spring Break is to organize your trip and invite tons of kids you don’t necessarily know that well to come. Although I wasn’t the guy who organized everything this year, going with a huge group of kids from my school expanded my social circle much more than I was expecting (even if my number one goal was to hook up with tons of hotties from other schools). I met tons of legit guys, and cute girls from my school that I didn’t even know I existed.
Some of my friends and roommates drove down to PCB, but I decided to take a bus with a female friend who goes to my school, Sarah, and her 3 hot friends that also attend my school, but whom I barely knew. One of them, who I’ll call ChristyHotBitch, I had met once before at the bars. Sarah had introduced us a few months earlier and she was a complete bitch to me when I first tried talking to her… even though that would all change after this week. Nonetheless, I pretty much ignored her the whole 20-hour bus ride down and hit on her hot friends.
Now, I can’t possibly write a post about my entire spring break for two reasons: 1) It would take like 50 pages, and 2) I don’t remember a good portion of it (I probably took a good year off the life of my liver with the drinking I did that week). But I’ll give you a little synopsis…
My two roommates were my good friend Pat and my good female friend Allie. They were both awesome, especially Allie, who one day when I was passed out in my hotel bed brought me a cute girl I had been hitting on all day and pretty much made the hook-up happen. Apparently the girl had been trying to hint that she wanted me all day, and I was too drunk to notice. I ended up taking a nap, but was awoken when Allie came into my room with a ‘surprise’ for me. I didn’t end up taking my full nap… but I wasn’t unhappy with the alternative.
The daily routine started by waking up around 11am, and buying a lot of liquor. I would usually buy a 1.75 liter bottle of the cheapest vodka, and some good soda to chase it with (I would always try to convince all the girls I met on the beach that it was the most expensive bottle in the liquor store). After we were supplied with alchy, we’d hit up the beach and go absolutely wild. Some of our best friends were staying in the hotel next to us… and these kids... well let’s just say that if you could find me a group of 5 kids more rowdy than them, I would be very, very surprised.
There were kids from a lot of rival sports schools, so we would yell our fight songs as we frolicked across the beach. Dizzy bat and beer pong were the two drinking games of choice. Here’s a pick of me and a random girl I met playing beer pong. The game got a little hot… I’m not sure if our opponents appreciated our PDAs…

Yeah... that's a Holy Bible in my hand. Don't ask...
My pick up line of choice during the day was very simple, and stolen from my rowdy friends (who are coincidentally, some of the biggest pimps I’ve ever met).
Francis: “Hey, what school are you girls from?”
Girls: they say their school
Francis: “Booooooooo!”… my friends would usually join me in booing them here.
Surprisingly, although there were a few bitchy responses, and some girls that just walked away… the vast majority of hotties would start qualifying their school, saying how they partied so hard, etc. etc.
Here’s where I’d transition,
Francis: “Nah… whatever, whatever… you girls are cute and seem kinda cool at first glance, but… I heard girls from your school can’t drink…”
This would cause the girls to all want to drink with us. The only problem for them was that once they started convincing me they could party so hard, drink so much, and were trying to convince me to drink from my bottle, I would tell them my very strict rule.
Francis: “All right, all right, I guess you guys can drink a shot of my fine alcohol. But there’s one rule… you have to do the shot my way. It’s how we do shots at our school. You have to make out with me first, and then turn around, lean against me and I’ll pour the drink into your mouth and give you chaser.” (I minimized the ‘making out’ part and emphasized them turning around and doing a shot in a very awkward position).
Then I’d just go for this kiss. Sometimes they’d say no, sometimes I had to be very persistent… but I made out with a good 40 girls during the daytime on the beach. Not all of those were converted to lays, but I was doing it for a much more important reason… because it was fun as hell. The thing you have to realize about spring break is your not going to see 99% of these girls ever again, so you have no excuse to not be absolutely wild with them.
The awesome daytimes was topped off by a ridiculously fun nightlife. Cover charges were very high, but the clubs were worth it. Maybe next year I’ll write a guide for dominating the clubs in spring break, but let’s just say that my hotel bed was christened many-a-time with girls I met in the clubs down in PCB.
Now let’s fast forward to the last day of spring break. My two roomates Pat and Allie had left the day before because they had to drive home, while I had my bus to catch the next day. So basically I got an extra night of partying in. I decided to ditch the girl who I had “married” on the beach the night before (long story…) for my friend Sarah and her cute friends, because I had not seen them all break (they were staying at a hotel that was very far away from mine). I was pleasantly surprised to see a group of about 25 kids who I didn’t know from my school who all seemed very rowdy.
Now I’m not going to lie to you and say that my memory of this day was very clear – it wasn’t, so I’ll just tell you what I heard from third parties. I ended up making out with about 6 of the group of girls from my school that I didn’t know… mostly not because of my skill with women, but because of my refusal to share my vodka with them if they did not make out with me. I also ended up hooking up (but not having sex with) ChristyHotBitch, who I would be riding home with on the bus the next day.
I woke up the next morning and frantically got my shit together, and somehow was able to catch my bus on time. Luckily the momentum from me and ChristyHotBitch’s hot day on the beach the day before carried over, and we were all over each other during the bus ride home. We watched a movie together, snuggled, and made out… cute, I know.
It actually took me 3 or 4 more times of hanging out with ChrissyHotBitch back home to escalate to sex, but it was totally worth it. First impressions can be shit… because it turns out the “bitch” was actually a cool girl who I had a lot of fun hanging out with.
Cheers,
Francis
Hey guys.
It’s been a long semester.
My computer broke about 3 months ago, my grades have had to be all A’s in order
to qualify for a business certificate program I’m trying to get in to, and obviously
I’ve had to fit in 3-4 nights of absolute mayhem every weekend.
But, there is good news. It’s
FUCKIN SUMMER!! And it’s going to be a sick one. I’m headed to NYC to visit
some friends including Nick and Christian from The Social Man next month and I’ll
be speaking at the 21 Convention in
) and partying 6 nights a week, and this should be one productive ass
summer.
So, here’s the plan.
Starting in the next day or two, I’m going to post a few stories that have
happened in the last several months while I have been MIA. They all end in me fornicating
with fine young college girls. I may or may not have been a bit of an ass in one or two of
them… but, it happens. I’ll break down exactly how shit went down, and exactly
what you can learn from them. That’s
phase one.
When I get done with my
stories, which should be more than mildly entertaining to read, I’m going to
get into more specific posts about getting laid in college. I’ll cover topics
from “How to meet, attract, and seduce girls in class,” to “How to cold
approach women in college,” and much, much more. That’s phase two.
That should give you more
than enough content to chew on until I speak in
Cheers,
Francis
“Because it is so typically
in our best interests to be consistent, we easily fall into the habit of being
automatically so, even in situations where it is not the sensible way to be.
When it occurs unthinkingly, consistency can be disastrous. Nonetheless, even
blind consistency has its attractions.”
-Robert B. Cialdini, PH.D
“Various studies show that
if prior to asking a favor, you can get a person to make a statement that is consistent
with granting your request, you’re likely to get a change of attitude and
then her compliance. What you want to do is have her agree to an idea or a
way of thinking that will neutralize her own objection... This tactic is so
highly effective because human beings have a strong need to be congruous
with their attitudes, beliefs, and actions.”
-David J. Lieberman, PH.D
As evidenced by these two experts
on persuasion, humans have a strong tendency to act consistently with their
sense of self and previous statements. You’ll see how this applies to
seduction, and particularly complimenting girls, in just a bit.
I’ve been asked this
questions many a time; “I heard that you shouldn’t compliment girls, instead
you should try to bring them down a notch. Should I be complimenting girls?” Of course you should be! Then I get “Well,
how should I compliment girls without being creepy or weird?” I’ll get into
that during this post.
With the popularity of Neil
Strauss’ The Game and VH1’s The Pickup Artist the idea of the “neg”
– making an ambiguous or negative statement to an individual in order to induce
certain reactions – has brought forth the misconception that in order to seduce
a woman you must bring down her ego, and never compliment her. This is simply
not true.
Giving women some
validation, and making them feel good about themselves will never hurt your
game. In fact, one could argue that the simple “compliment” is Seduction’s
oldest and most forgotten technique. The problem that has arisen is that women
have become socially attuned to the compliment’s effectiveness. They have had
so many guys come up to them with compliments that are not genuine that
they are immediately skeptical of any compliment’s validity.
So one of the keys in
complimenting a woman is to be genuine in what you say. No tricks or
manipulation techniques here… the best way to compliment a woman is to actually
mean it. You would be surprised how good women are at sniffing out a
compliment that is not genuine.
I went through a phase in my
“game” where I was getting laid a lot – but by a certain type of woman who
bought my bullshit. The “quality” girls were getting away from me because
everything I said to them was “game” and my compliments weren’t genuine. The
“phony” girls would buy my bullshit, and immediately be attracted to my phony
persona. Needless to say this led to many unhealthy relationships.
In order to genuinely
compliment a girl about qualities you like about her, you must know what you
want in a girl. What qualities do you really enjoy being around? Our friend
David the Asian Rake has a great post about this whole subject here, which I
would highly recommend reading. He explains the whole concept in full detail,
but I’ll give you my version of it.
I, like David, have 2 sets
of qualities for girls I like; one set for good girls and one set for bad
girls. Most girls tend to be somewhere in between, but if a girl has all my
“bad girl” characteristics, she will most likely be one-night-stand/fuck-buddy
material, and if she had all my “good-girl” characteristics she may be
girlfriend material.
Here is my list. Feel free
to borrow qualities from mine when making your own, but make sure your list is
unique to you.
Bad Girl Characteristics: Spontaneous, Fun, Open-Minded, Non-Jealous, Adventurous,
Independent, and Expressive
Good Girl
Characteristics: Caring, “Chill”
(someone I could just relax around), loyal, sweet, understanding, generous,
positive person, considerate, reliable, ambitious
Once you have this list, and
you notice a girl that you are attracted to displaying one of these qualities,
reward her by complimenting her with it.
For example, I recently had
a fling with a very cute, very outgoing and fun chick that was leaving the
country in several weeks. When we were hanging out at a bar, I told her, “You
know what I like about you? You are so darn adventurous! I feel like I
could just start my night hanging out with you, have no plans whatsoever, and
by the end of the night we would have completed like 8 crazy adventures and had
some crazy stories to tell,” I later proceeded to tell her, “Let’s go on an
adventure… I got an idea, let’s try to convince that lady with the flowers that
we are married, and get some free flowers from her.” We proceeded to have our
adventure, it strengthened our bond, and the end of the night ended very well.
The verbal structure I
prefer is the simple,
1) “You know what I like about you?”
2) “You are so darn (characteristic you
like about her)_.”
3) “I feel like (explain what is
awesome about this quality in her).”
This does 3 things in each
part of the structure
1) Peeks her interest, creates curiosity
and intrigue with the question. Anytime someone here’s “you know what I like
about you?” they will instantly be interested.
2) Validates her with a compliment about a
positive quality she has that you value
3) Provides a rationalization to your
compliment in a fun and playful way. The “reason” for your compliment is
important because it shows you don’t have an ulterior motive, and just
genuinely appreciate a characteristic about her. “I feel like” is also a nice
little touch, because we know how girls love “feelings”, and this just opens up
her emotional side.
You could come up with
something for all of your characteristics, like “You know what I like about
you? You are so darn considerate. I feel like if I was ever feeling down or
low, I could just call you up and you would say the sweetest, most considerate
thing to me, and I would feel better right away.”
When combining the skill of
complimenting a girl on certain characteristics with the Psychological
principles above, it is clear that we could make things a little, dare I say…
easier when bringing a girl home. Likewise you can also mold “girlfriend
material” girls to have traits that you value.
Let’s say you’re at a house
party and meet a cutie who is pretty talkative and social. She clearly is
extroverted and makes her opinion known. After she disagrees with you on
something, you say… “You know what I like about you? You’re so independent.
Most girls tend to always agree with me, but I think that’s boring. I feel like
we could have a full-on debate and have a blast. Does it drive your friends
crazy when you disagree with them or are they just used to it?”
Her response to this could
be that it does drive her friends crazy, or that she is not that disagreeable.
Either way she is qualifying herself to you, which puts you in the role of the
selector, which as we talked about last post, is always a good thing.
Notice how we transition
from a conversation that could be combative, her disagreeing with you on some
issue, to something all girls love to talk about 100 times more… themselves.
Most unenlightened college boys would simply get in an argument about whatever
issue you were talking about with her at this point. Instead, you are
acknowledging that you disagree, complimenting her, and moving to a far more
interesting conversation topic.
Now, after a few hours, the
night is coming to an end, and over the period of the night you have upped the
ante. As she has displayed more and more “independent” traits, you have
sexualized it. Comments like, “Wow you are so independent, that is so sexy, you
need to stop that or we’re going to get in trouble,” are money. As David
Lieberman would say, she is becoming more congruent with her identity as
an independent woman, an identity that she enjoys because you have given her
some validation for it.
But wait… she’s with
friends. You dropped that you are going back to your pad for the after-party
and she should come with, and she has told you that she wants to come, but her
3 roommates come up to her and say “Hey, we’re all going home in a few minutes,
get ready.” Normally, when a girl’s social group makes a decision to leave,
they are all leaving. But not this girl, you see, over the past few
hours she has taken on the identity of a very independent woman who makes her
own decisions, and again, her actions are going to be congruent with this
identity. So she tells her friends, “I’m actually going to A-Bar with him, I’ll
catch up with you guys in a few hours.” Bamm… their objection has been
neutralized.
All my “bad girl traits”
will help neutralize some objections when used properly. Compliment a girl on
being spontaneous, and it won’t be a big deal that she randomly ended up at
your place. Compliment a girl on being fun, make out with her later in the
night, then say “that was fun,” and escalation will be a cinch. Compliment a
girl on being open-minded, and when you want to try something really freaky
with her sexually there will be no objection. The list goes on…
And if a girl looks like she
could be “girlfriend material” compliment her on “good girl traits”, sometimes
even before they have manifested themselves fully, and you will be amazed and
how fast they do manifest themselves, and she adopts them into her identity.
The fact is that people have
the need to be congruent with their identities. And if you project a
certain identity on them and give them validation for it through compliments,
they will start to grow into that identity.
Use this info wisely, and
don’t forget… it’s ok to compliment girls. Just make sure you do it right.
Oh… and definitely don’t
forget to check out David’s post. It really compliments this post well.
Cheers,
Francis
“Countless studies (and
common sense) have established that we tend to like more those who like us.
When we find out that someone thinks well of us, we in turn are unconsciously
driven to find him or her more likeable as well.”
“Oddly enough, studies conclude
that if someone started out not liking you and gradually came around to liking
you, they will eventually like you more than if they had liked you right from
the beginning. Keep in mind, if you don’t have a great relationship with them,
don’t do a “180”, suddenly making this person your best friend. Studies show us
that gradual liking is infinitively more effective than instantly
becoming someone’s best friend. So don’t be overwhelming and ‘out of the blue’
their number-one fan. To engage the law of reciprocal affection gradually,
let it be known that you are fond of this person.”
-David J. Lieberman, P.H.D
One of the questions I get
often is, “how do I show interest to girls in my social circle or new girls I
meet, without coming off as creepy?” While the answer is not always simple, I’m
going to show you a deadly technique I use to engage girls that I want to
escalate things with who may not be showing much interest back towards me. It
is based on the psychological principles above.
As mentioned above, we tend
to like people more who like us back. This means that being an asshole to
everyone you meet is a sure-fire way to not make new friends/romantic partners,
especially in college (I learned this the hard way…). But at the same time,
showing too much interest into a chick at first is a sure-fire way to creep out
girls, especially in college (I learned this the hard way too…). So the trick
is to have the girl gradually win you over.
When you’ve built up a solid
social circle, you will get to the point where you are seeing some of the same
cuties every weekend, even without getting their digits or planning to meet up…
They will just be at the same party/social gathering/bar. This is great,
because it means there is less pressure to show interest, or “close-the-deal”
right away. It also means you have more room for error. If you are trying to
pick up a random at a bar, the margin for error can be razor thin. If you are
going to see her again multiple times you have more leeway for small fuck-ups.
In social situations, as
with regular “pick-ups”, you ideally want to play the role of the selector. She
is winning you over, not vice versa. If you show too much interest too
early, she will often take you for granted, and if you end up getting with her,
it will be you who got lucky. You want to make it so she is the
one who got lucky.
Well, if you’ve read
anything in the seduction community, this is probably old news to you. Now I’m
going to give you some ways that this applies to conversations in college to
frame the whole concept of you being the selector, and then at the end of the
post explain how it applies to this psychological principle, and give you a
word-for-word technique to use.
So how do you play the role
of a selector in college? One thing I like to do is to make a playful
assumption when she tells you something about herself. For example, if she says
“I’m majoring in engineering”. You can respond with, “Oh god, not an engineer…
all the engineers I’ve met have a really similar personality type, but you seem
really different, in a good way… that’s crazy. So why’d you decide to be an
engineer?” I totally came up with that on the fly, but it’s a solid example of
a push-pull that creates intrigue and puts you in the role of a selector (or
just damn good flirting). She is proving herself to you.
Another suggestion I have
recommended to students to get themselves in the mindset of being the selector
and not just another dude applying for the job of vagina maintenance (or being
her boyfriend) is to go a week without making any “qualifying” statements. I
consider a “qualifying” statement as any statement that puts you in the
role of proving yourself to someone. So this would entail eliminating anything
that could come across as bragging, anything that is said with even the slightest
intention of trying to impress someone or get something from someone. Trying to
gain other people’s approval is low value behavior, high status people rarely
need to brag or prove themselves to others, thus many times they are more
humble. If you can go a full week without qualifying yourself to anyone in any
circumstance, I guarantee you will have others qualifying themselves and trying
to prove themselves to you, putting you in the selector role.
So we’ve learned a little
bit about the selector role, and a little bit about people liking people who
find them likeable as well. Now let’s combine them for a sweet technique to
experiment with. I’ve had some really stellar results from this, so I encourage
you to try it.
As the second quote says, we
will many times end up liking people more who we initially did not like at all.
I would argue that in many case this works the opposite way as well… if someone
didn’t particularly like you at first, but you won them over, the bond between
you two would be stronger. Have you ever heard girls say, “I thought you were
such a dick when I first met you…”? I’ve heard this exact quote from some of
the girls who have gotten the most attached to me, this shit is powerful.
Now I’m not suggesting you
go around being a dick to girls, not at all. What I’m proposing is kind of reversing
the roles. I’m going to tell you a quick story to demonstrate this technique.
So I recently and quickly
become good friends with this guy Pete. We were quick friends because we had a
lot in common, and luckily he had a ton of hot female friends to introduce me
to. This one in particular, we’ll call her BlondePrincess, was absolutely
gorgeous…. And she was also completely cold to me. He introduced me to her, and
she showed little signs of even acknowledging me. I tried to have a neutral
conversation with her, and she would just give me one-word answers. So the
first night I met her I didn’t really talk to her much, and just focused on
having fun, and hitting on other girls.
The second time we all hung
out, I had established a little more value within the social group. Her and her
friends understood that I was a cool, chill guy, and I was good friends with
her friend Pete. She warmed up a little bit, but still was generally cold.
The third time we hung out,
she started opening up a little bit more. Nothing big, but she said a few
things that were cool, cute, and generally impressed me. She said something
that made me laugh eventually, and I respond with this (read carefully) :
“Hahaha wow, that is
hilarious… You know what BlondePrincess, I have something to confess…(paused
for effect)… when I first met you, I wasn’t really sure about you, to be honest
I thought you were just a tiny bit of a bitch. But now that we’ve hung out a
few times, you’ve really showed me your cool side, and I’m impressed! Come
here, give me a hug!”
After this point,
BlondePrincess completely loved me. She took on the role of a cool girl who was
extremely friendly with me after I dropped this. There was a little bit of “I
can’t believe you thought I was a bitch!” but it was all playful and in good
fun.
Do you see what that
statement does? First off, it rewards her good behavior. You can’t drop this
without her earning it, even if the thing that she does is extremely small.
Second off, it puts you in the role of the selector. You are the one who
is deciding she is cool, she has lived up to your standard and you are
rewarding it. Third off, it evokes two psychological principles, reciprocal
likeability and stronger bonds with people who you originally did not like.
Needless to say, things
ended very well with me and this girl. And since her, I’ve dropped this, or
something similar on many a girl. It is especially effective on girls who are
initially cold to you.
The basic formula is,
A) She does something cool that deserves a reward
B ) You respond by telling her you have something
to confess to her.
C) Indicate that you were unsure about her
at first. Be careful when using “bitch” like I did in the above example. I only
used it because the word definitely was being used by her that night, and I had
the intuition that it would be socially appropriate. Anything that indicates
that you were unsure about her when you first met her should be fine.
D) Tell her that she has revealed a
cool/chill/fun side to you and indicate that you are impressed with her
E) (Optional) full on hug
Variations of this will work
in many circumstances. I’ve used these principles on the first night, second
night, or months after initially meeting a girl. The formula is pretty
flexible.
Have fun with this,
Francis Adams
“The tactic of starting with a little request in order to gain eventual compliance with related larger requests has a name: the foot-in-the-door technique. Social scientists first became aware of its effectiveness in the mid-1960s when psychologists Jonathan Freedman and Scott Fraser published an astonishing set of data… You can use small commitments to manipulate a person’s self-image; you can use them to turn citizens into “public servants,” prospects into “customers,” prisoners into “collaborators.” And once you’ve got a man’s self-image where you want it, he should comply naturally with a whole range of your requests that are consistent with his view of himself.”
- Robert B. Cialdini, P.H.D, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
“Human Beings have a strong need for consistency with their actions. Several studies in this area clearly illustrate how effective this psychological factor can be when applied to motivating a person. They show us that when someone is presented with a small request, and subsequently does it, he is infinitely more likely to agree to a larger request… When we take a small step in one direction we are driven to maintain a sense of consistency by agreeing to larger requests.
- David J. Lieberman, P.H.D, Get Anyone to do Anything
The foot-in-the-door technique is a proven psychological
technique that can be applied to achieving more success with women. I have had
many a one-night-stand due to something I call Compliance Plowing which
actively applies the foot-in-the-door technique’s principles.
A few disclaimers before I start… This principle may lead to a lot of one-night-stands and casual sex, but may not be the best way to lead to a healthy relationship. I am choosing not to break Compliance Plowing down to a step by step technique at this time and am simply introducing you to the principle, so you can apply it as you see fit. I will tell you some examples of how I use it.
Also keep in mind that, if used incorrectly this technique can be extremely manipulative. There are strong psychological forces at play here, so don’t do anything stupid with the information I’m giving you.
Compliance is a very important factor in seduction, so it must be addressed. After all, unless you have established a very strong “chase dynamic” (where she is chasing you… which is always ideal), sex is ultimately an act of compliance.
When I first meet a girl, I like to establish the precedence
of her complying with my “requests”. So many times, as Cialdini and Lieberman
suggest, I will ask a small favor of her, something that would be socially
inappropriate for her to deny. Some examples of these favors include getting
her to hold my drink while I take off my coat/go to the bathroom, asking her to
take off my coat for me, asking her to save my seat for me, asking her for a
sip of her drink, etc. Any trivial request like this falls in this category.
What I have found is that once she complies with my first request, or I have my “foot-in-the-door”, she is incredibly more receptive to my further requests. You could say that I have unlocked the next level of compliance. What is going on in her head is she is backwards rationalizing, “I just did this favor for this guy, I only do favors for guys that I like, so I must like this guy.” She has made a small commitment to you, and because her actions are congruent with a girl who is attracted to you, she assumes the behaviors of a girl who is attracted to you, and ultimately is more attracted to you.
Once this first level of compliance is achieved, and higher levels of compliance are unlocked, you can effectively work your way up to higher levels of commitment and compliance, at a very rapid pace in some circumstances, which I’ll call “plowing”. Once your first request has been granted, things like a kiss on the cheek, isolating the girl, establishing more physical contact with her, etc. will all be infinitely easier. It makes escalation a piece of cake.
It is important to note that sex is not the highest level of compliance. Things like having her buy things for you, having her do very large favors for you, having her travel long distances to see you, are all higher on the compliance scale. Many girls would have sex with a guy but would never buy him dinner at a fancy restaurant. So a sneaky little trick you can do is “skip” levels of compliance.
For example, if you can convince a girl to buy you a drink, you automatically unlock lower levels of compliance, like sex in some cases. Her thought process when she buys you a drink is “wow… I didn’t even buy my last boyfriend drinks at the bar, I must really like this guy.” More on ways to get girls to buy you drinks on another time, but the best way to do it is to have the mindset that you expect her to buy you a drink, and it is completely out of your reality that she wouldn’t buy you a drink. You can also say, “You get this round, I’ll pick up the next one.” Even if you have to pick up the next round, the fact that she bought the first round establishes a dynamic that is SO much different than the frame that most guys have when they ask “Ummm, can I buy you a drink?”
When she has committed enough to you, you will encounter much less resistance when getting sexy with her. So always remember to get your “foot-in-the-door”… It will make everything a lot easier for you.
This technique, while deadly effective, should be in the
back of your head when interacting with women, but is MOST effective when used
in combination with some of the other concepts I am going to be talking about
in the coming days. So stay tuned…
Keep in mind that infield coaching usually costs anywhere from $1500 to $3000 per session. But we all know what it's like being a poor college kid, so we're going to be doing it for absolutely nothing.
I know... I love you guys too ![]()
The event costs $224 if you sign up right now, but I guess the deal is they are going to jack up prices the longer you wait to buy your tickets, so it would be to your benefit to buy tickets as soon as possible if you plan on attending.
That leads me to...
Announcement #2 -
We wanted to expand our notoriety a little bit before the convention, so we're doing another treat for you guys. Nick Sparks, David Moneda, and myself will be doing a monthly teleseminar, every month leading up to the convention. Giving you tons of advice, andswering all your questions, and basically helping you completely own your campus scene this semester.
Check out this link for more info:
http://conqueryourcampus.com/teleseminars/
We've already done one teleseminar with Nick earlier this month and it was a great success, so we're really pumped about
the upcoming ones.
Oh yeah... and while we're mentioning giving away free stuff, Christian Hudson from thesocialman.com (he's the guy who is
setting up these sweet teleseminars for us) is going to be giving away several FREE bootcamp seats to listeners of our
series. You will get to go to New York City, stay in his BALLER flat(so you won't have to worry about hotel costs or anything),
and get to learn how to pick up women from the absolute best in the business, Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks (This is normally priced at $1500)
Not only that, but we are also giving away several FREE tickets to the Under and Over 21 Convention to our listeners. So make sure you stay tuned to our teleseminars and find out all the details about that.
Our buddy Mark Redman really explains the whole thing alot better than we do, so read his open letter about the event here:
http://conqueryourcampus.com/teleseminars/
So get absolutely, out of control, pumped up to the tenth degree, because the next few months are going to be amazing, culminating with the Under 21 Convention this summer.
It’s been a little too long since I’ve posted so I thought I’d share a little adventure that I had with you guys. I’ve had more than a few rockin’ adventures in the past month or so, but this one definitely stood out.
There is no day on our calendar that brings out the sexual side of a female quite like Halloween. Valentines Day may be a close second (Single girls on Valentines Day… oh my god, it’s just too easy). But the combination of extremely revealing costumes, too much booze, and girls acting in “character” with their slutty costumes makes for a day in which hormones are released in such massive amounts, you’d think everyone was hitting puberty again.
To quote my attractive female neighbor, “Everyone in our room’s goal was to get some ass on Halloween.” That’s coming from a girl.
On a night where scantily dressed strumpets are roaming the streets looking to get some ass, something special was bound to happen.
The roommates and I decided to dress as Braveheart-esque Scotsman warriors with kilts and swords. Fuckin’ awesome costume idea if I may say so myself. My roommate taped an ipod and some speakers to the back of his sword and BLASTED Scottish bagpipe music all night. Accompany this with our belligerent Scottish yelling, and our presence was definitely known right away whenever we entered a new venue.
If I had to write a strategy guide for getting laid on Halloween it would be simple: Have a good costume, NEVER break character, and be extremely confident in your interactions with women. The great thing about Halloween is you can create a character for yourself. Even if you are not extremely confident in “real-life” you can create the character of a “confident pirate who wants to get some booty” or something along those lines.
So with weapons in hand, we set out to conquer the city. The night began with a pre-party at our place. The party quickly got a bit out of hand and I had to kick everyone out. Luckily it was fuckin’ Halloween so pretty much the whole campus was having a party.
We hit up a friend’s party. I hit on a few girls with my Scottish accent, play some beer pong, and rock out until I get bored. When shit died down, me and David decide to call up a cab and head to a new party.
One of our friend’s is having a huge party in the basement of his house, and he hyped it up a lot to us, so we’re banking on this being a baller party. We waited in line to get in (there was a bouncer collecting keg money from people at the door), and a bunch of hot girls cut in front of me and were let in for free. For a second I wanted to bitch at the bouncer, but then I thought to myself… “Wait… this is exactly the kind of party I want to be at right now. Dude’s paying money and hot girls getting in for free.”
When I got in, as I had hoped, the girl to guy ratio was a mathematical miracle. Loosely clothed females were running rampant and beer was plentiful. Me and David organized a game of flip-cup, played a few rounds, talked to a few girls we knew, and a few that we didn’t know.
After about an hour, my friend’s basement was out of control
hot. So I went to the backyard to catch a breath of fresh air. What do you
know… I see a girl in a plaid skirt that looked similar to my kilt. The
following interaction, to the best of my recollection, is completely
ridiculous… but it got me laid.
Francis: ”Ayyy… a strumpet in her wee kilt, it’s me lucky day. What part
of
PlaidSkirt: “Excuse me?”
Francis: “I said, what part of
PlaidSkirt: “I’m not from
She’s dressed as a whore… perfect
Francis: “Britney Spears??? I don’t believe it, ye got a kilt on, I may fall in love with ye.”
PlaidSkirt: “Hahah well that’s cute, but I’m really not Scottish. What’s your name?”
Francis: “I’m Franethen, Scottish Warrior fighting for freedom. And ye?”
PlaidSkirt: “I’m Cindy, nice to meet you.”
Francis: “My gosh I'm fallin for ye already, I’m so happy I found myself a nice Scottish girl. Mum and Dad would be so proud.”
PlaidSkirt: “Your Mom and Dad would definitely like
me!”
She buys into my frame, so I escalate. Why wait?
Heavy make-out session, more flirtation between kisses
PlaidSkirt: (now talking in a Scottish accent) “Franethen, it was a pleasure meeting you and having fun with you, but I have to find my friends who have my keys to my dorm. Can I have one last kiss goodbye?”
Francis: “Absolutely not. If I give you a goodbye kiss I’ll definitely fall in love with ye.”
If I kiss her at this point, she bolts. So I build sexual tension by refusing her the kiss while maintaining my ridiculous lovestruck Scotsman vibe.
PlaidSkirt: “No you won’t! Just one more kiss goodbye!”
Francis: “I can’t do it me lady”
PlaidSkirt: “Plllleeeasee”
Francis: “I’ll do this, but I can’t kiss ye, I don’t want to fall in love with ye.”
I reach under her skirt and start fingering her. There are like 30 people outside in the backyard in close vicinity to us.
PlaidSkirt: “Ohhhhh Franethen, I like it… it feels soo good.”
She was one of those girls that just went nuts with you hit the g-spot. She was going wild. Eventually one of her guy friends came up to her.
Random Dude: “Cindy, can I talk to you for a second.”
PlaidSkirt: “What is it??”
I briefly stop fingering her
Random Dude: “I just want to make sure that your OK and are not going to do anything you’d regret tonight”
I can tell by this dude’s needy body language that he was a jealous orbiter of her, NOT a concerned friend.
Francis: “She’ll be fine with me lad. A Scotsman knows how to treat his ladies.”
Random Dude: “Uhhh… ok, bye.”
I proceed to finger her
Francis: “Come home with me, we are havin an
after-party.”
PlaidSkirt: “Ohhh Franethen, I wish I could, but I have to find my
friends they have my keys.”
I try to convince her for like 3-4 minutes, but she is set on going home
with her friends.
PlaidSkirt: “I have an idea.”
This was HER idea, how awesome is that?
Francis: “What’s that my lady?”
PlaidSkirt: “Follow me”
She leads me behind some bushes, where there is a chair and a table. This place is still extremely visible to the 30 or so people outside. We get on the chair and I continue to finger her.
Francis: “Get on yer knees me lady and return the favor.”
She gets on her knees and starts sucking my cock as I’m sitting on the chair.
Francis: “That’s good me lady, now come with me… we’re a wee bit public right now.”
I took the chair with me to behind a shed, in a slightly more discrete place, grabbed a condom from my sock (I didn’t have pockets on my kilt), and she proceeded to fuck the shit out of me.
Throughout the whole sex act, she would ask me things like “What’s your real name… I just want to hear you speak in your real voice without a fake accent once.” The stubborn little bastard that I am, I refused to break character.
We didn’t even exchange numbers afterwards, we just happily parted ways after our spontaneous sex act.
Hope you all had an awesome Halloween as well. I’m thinking we’re going to throw a party Thanksgiving weekend. Theme ideas are “Pilgrim Pimp’s and Indians Ho’s”, “Pilgrim’s and Pocahontas’s”. Any other ideas?
Cheers,
Francis